I don't belong here

I don't belong here. This is not my home. These strangers are not my friends and family! The places look unfamiliar, the road unknown. Am I trying too hard to fit in or is it that I was not meant to be here in the first place? It's strange how things can change so much that it gets beyond recognition. Is the change within me or in the world outside? It's hard to tell. The truth however is that I am lost! I try to keep up with the pace but I guess I am too slow. People around me no longer bring comfort. I would rather spend a day all by myself, in my own company.

Everyone is so busy being upset with you that no one realises you could be upset too. All of a sudden one stern word you said, one argument you had becomes your fault. It overrides the many arguments and rude words other may have often uttered. It's exhausting to always be the one to make the call, to always be the one to check on others. Who calls you when you need someone to talk? Who checks on you when you need someone to care? How long do I carry on like this before I can find one true friend?  How much do I wait before others realise that I can hurt too? In this world, expression is everything. You need to cry out loud to be heard. You need to show you are angry. If you can't express pain and anger, it's understood that you don't feel them. It also somehow means that you are able to bare the brunt of another's anger or disappointment. I want to be able to shout at people when I am angry, I want to be able to scream when I am in pain, I want to be able to cry when I am hurt. Just like others do. I want to be able to do that without being judged or without being pre-charged with the fault.


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