Mind speak

I have often had to deal with uncomfortable situations of being left out, be it on the family, professional or friends front. It's a miserable feeling to not be asked to join a group of friends when they plan to go out, to be excluded from nice family get togethers , to not be a part of office gossip. Leaves me wondering if people perceive me as not trustworthy, uncool or just prefer not having me as a part of all the fun and togetherness. Whatever the reason such occasions have taught me a lot- to be self sufficient, to be my own best friend, to take things in a good stride, to accept the fact that I cannot be a part of everything everyone does. Once the acceptance comes, the pain from all the rejection and indifference of others gets more and more tolerable. The hurt remains but the bright side is that it prepares you for life.

I have been sweating it out at the gym for the past 7-8 months now and all I have to show for it is that I am 7 kgs lighter. You may say that 7 kgs is a big deal. I know, it is. But it's not enough. I don't want to look 'plump' all my life. I long to be fit and fine too, I long to wear those lovely dresses that only come in 'S' and 'M' sizes. I hate it when I like a dress and the salesman says "Sorry we don't have that in your size". Nobody is fat by choice. I agree that factors like over-eating, laziness are well within one's control and can be avoided. But isn't there an underlying helplessness in not being able to do that? Most of the people who are obese know that it is nothing less than an illness. They need help and given a choice they would love to be half the size of what they are. I know what it takes from me to get up early in the morning (when the entire house is cosily sleeping) and drag myself to the gym. Sometimes I li