No pain, no gain

I have been sweating it out at the gym for the past 7-8 months now and all I have to show for it is that I am 7 kgs lighter. You may say that 7 kgs is a big deal. I know, it is. But it's not enough. I don't want to look 'plump' all my life. I long to be fit and fine too, I long to wear those lovely dresses that only come in 'S' and 'M' sizes. I hate it when I like a dress and the salesman says "Sorry we don't have that in your size". Nobody is fat by choice. I agree that factors like over-eating, laziness are well within one's control and can be avoided. But isn't there an underlying helplessness in not being able to do that? Most of the people who are obese know that it is nothing less than an illness. They need help and given a choice they would love to be half the size of what they are. I know what it takes from me to get up early in the morning (when the entire house is cosily sleeping) and drag myself to the gym. Sometimes I literally have to threaten myself to do that. I remind myself of the fortune I spent on the pair of Reebok shoes, of the times I have cried over an unkind word someone shared with me about my being fat, of not fitting into old clothes that I love so much, of looking good for the sake of my husband and daughter. That somehow manages to push me to get up and get going.

But it's not always easy. I sometimes wonder about how society can be so insensitive. People just casually pass any comment or remark expecting you to take it in the right spirit. I don't usually appreciate such over-smart observations. I know I have a problem and i hate it when someone thinks it is humorous. I never opted to be on the heavier side and feel like I am paying for something which is no fault of mine. I know people who hog like pigs and have an hourglass figure without the need to exercise to achieve it. On the other hand I am not a foodie and am trying my best to shed off those extra kilos which refuse to part with me. After hours of workout when I get on the weighing machine and see that it's showing only 200-300 grams less, I feel like breaking it.

But the one positive thing is that it is teaching me patience and perseverance. I am beginning to learn that hard work pays and when once in a while someone says "You seem to have lost weight" it feels wonderful. I have a long way to go to achieve that ideal weight. But I hope to succeed one day. A day will come when I can stand in front of the mirror and like what I am seeing.




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